Oh please help me! Hamish has sent me away to Christian Camp. He said it would be super fun, with guitars and tamberines and things.
Only it's not! It's all quiet, and you're not allowed to talk or anything. And it's full of nuns who just pray all the time!
Only it's not! It's all quiet, and you're not allowed to talk or anything. And it's full of nuns who just pray all the time!
Mary shoplifted some mags for me to read. But they've brought me no joy! It's so dire here!
My letters to Hamish come up unopened. What is going on???
So did my one to Lord Posh - my only friend. The one I sent care of my own address!
Luckily, I managed to snaffle the phone while the nuns were playing Kandy Krush!
Lord Posh answered the phone from Mummy's bedroom extension.
"Why, hello young lady!",
he boomed. "Your mother and father can't come to the phone. Your father's just slept with my girlfriend! And your mother's thrown Hamish out! Whoops! I mean - everything's fine, young Lavinia!"
"Poshie! Whatever do you mean?!", I cried
"Er - nothing. Me no speak English. Me Spanish au pair. Au revoir, I mean, ciao, I mean Adieu - no, I don't - oh, ta ta!"
"Why, hello young lady!",
he boomed. "Your mother and father can't come to the phone. Your father's just slept with my girlfriend! And your mother's thrown Hamish out! Whoops! I mean - everything's fine, young Lavinia!"
"Poshie! Whatever do you mean?!", I cried
"Er - nothing. Me no speak English. Me Spanish au pair. Au revoir, I mean, ciao, I mean Adieu - no, I don't - oh, ta ta!"
My misery multiplied. Whatever was going on at home? Why did Mama throw my fiancee out? Was he getting too friendly with that horrible Swede? What was Poshie on about? Daddy wouldn't sleep with another woman - would he?
I must leave here. Someone help me escape! Please!